I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
