i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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