at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
