let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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