You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
