It's Friday. Sex?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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