just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
