end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
