So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
