WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize