So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
