lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
