Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
