You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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