my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
