Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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