i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
why is half of my head shaved?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
