I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
