I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
