the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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