Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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