Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
