Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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