dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
