Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
