So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
