Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
