But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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