I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
