Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
