similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
