apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
