recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
