Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
