farters have to be the big spoon...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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