You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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