I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
