Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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