4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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