he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
