Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
