i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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