someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize