you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
