I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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