Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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