I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
