His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
