I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
