That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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