she looked like the before picture.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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