So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize