i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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