you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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