He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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