after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize