It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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