i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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