If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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