It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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