so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize