Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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